Wash or Wipe
by hibiyuru
Summary: Wash or wipe every one is assigned to clean the toilets!Please reveiw...i love it when you do!
1. The Strange Discussion

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Ok...I'm so sorry I haven't updated any of my other stories but I swear I will during the holidays...

I've just had my actually GCSE art exam and I feel I haven't done all that well...things are going to be a bit full on because I have a stack of revision to do!

Anyway this fic is for my friend Fran; he inspired me to write a story about 'crap' because we were talking about it. He might never read it but hey...

This is going to be pure humour so do not flame me, maybe there will be romance but maybe not...I'll see later.

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Wash or Wipe 

Chapter One: The Strange Discussion

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Team seven were waiting silently for their sensei that was late as always. Sasuke was leaning against a tree 'meditating' he was glad that for once Sakura wasn't chasing after him. Sakura was busy with the problem page, she had no time to have her one sided conversations with Sasuke but she did miss them. Naruto was... 

Naruto was...cringing. He was grunting and his face seemed to be red. None of his team mates had realised what Naruto was doing, he was being too silent and discreet. You see Naruto had gone deep into the bushes to hide himself. He rubbed his stomach and slowly he began to feel relived. He had no water so he wiped himself with a leaf...ewww.

Naruto went back to where Sakura and Sasuke were and sat down, just as he did Kakashi poofed into place. He had a wide grin on his which could only mean that their next mission would be a little dodgy.

"Hey Guys guess what?"

" ..." Silence no one wanted to know.

"I have a great mission for you today, it's a special mission and since all the jounins are busy you guys get to do it."

"S-Sp-Special?" asked Naruto with stars in his eyes.

"Yeess" Kakashi rubbed his hands together, "You mission for today is to...go to Tsunade's headquarters."

"And...?" asked Sakura

"Andtowashoutallthetoilets." said Kakashi quickly

"Washotta what na?" Asked Sakura

"You have to wash out all the toilets; there will be a competition on who can wash the most toilets in the quickest time and nicely. If you win you get thirteen tickets to go to Paris, you can take who ever you want but if you lose you have to get a permanent job as a toilet cleaner and you have to wait a whole year before you can take the test to become a jounin. Enjoy!" With that Kakashi poofed back out of sight.

"Hell no I'm not staying a chunin." yelled Sakura.

"Yea me to." cried Naruto.

"You two are weak, you may as well lose because it probably wouldn't affect your chances, especially you Sakura." said Sasuke in his monotone voice.

"Sasuke- bastard don't talk to her like that you will make her cry."

"It's ok Naruto, he must be on his period that probably why he's acting this way." his words didn't hurt her, well not as much as they used to, she had proved him wrong by becoming a chunnin.

"Err... boys don't get periods." said Naruto, wow that was the first time she didn't hit him after insulting Sasuke-bastard.

"Ah, so your dumb and weak." teased Sasuke

"It's a metaphor."

"...whatever, lets go." sad Sasuke.

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So they arrived at the head quarters and they took their personal scrolls. "So toilet No# 20- 30" read Sakura. "Whaaat? Ten toilets each." she read the small print "Sinks and all, you will not be paid even if you _do_ lose." 'What a tight little cow' thought Sakura about Tsunade. 

Naruto walked up to Tsunade, "I can do this job on account of my back problem."

"What back problem?" she was drinking sake as usual and she was slurring and muttering under her breath.

Seeing her in this state Naruto backed away, when ever Tsunade got dunk it was like Lee but with out the head bashing and singing. Naruto had been assigned to toilets No# 1-10. He thought to him self what was the point in having to many toilets. Clearly Tsunade's ass wasn't as big as to have three toilets for each butt cheek, or was it? She could disguise her age, so why not her size.

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Hinata went to the toilets she was assigned to "Hmm toilets No# 1-10..." It was in a state, how was she ever going to get this cleaned up? She started with the walls she scrubbed and scrubbed. She cleaned it and started with the toilets she pushed the rusty flush leaver on one of the toilets, the handle broke off and fell onto the ground making a loud clattering sound. Just then she heard some one walk in. "I didn't break it I swear, wait a minute what are you doing here?" 

"Oh I was assigned to this room" said the blond.

"Oh ok then this place is so dirty." said Hinata as she put on her rubber gloves, removing the other ones which were already dirty.

"I know right, I bet I'm going to need a manicure when I'm done here."

Just then two other people walked in, it was Shikamaru and Naruto. (HAH I bet you thought that was Naruto before, nope it's Ino!)

"Oh see Shikamaru, we can get the job done quicker now, look there a FOUR of us now." said Naruto in a loud voice.

"This is to damn troublesome." said Shikamaru. Hinata walked up to the two men and placed a pair of gloves in their hands she walk off and grabbed her coat; she reckoned she had earned her lunch break since the boys were slacking. She walked out and Ino followed.

"Hey wait up, arn't you guys going to help out?" asked Naruto.

"N-no Na-ruto-kun, we are going to leave you two to do the work, I need a rest on accout of my b-b-back problems."

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Read and review or I won't update. Yea i no people r a bit OOC

DO NOT FLAME MY WORK!


	2. Soaked In Crap

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Thanks for the reviews people who reviewed.

Yea I don't think this story is going to be a hit since the plot is WIERD but I enjoy reading nice reviews from people so thanks to:

DemonCloudStrife- Hmm, was that a flamer, (p.s. sorry you found Great Balls Of Fire C4 crap but I'll try my best next time, I'd appreciate it if you told me exactly what you didn't like about that chapter, but I agree with you, it wasn't my finest of chapters in that story.)

Sane-Sammi- read the story like it loads

sodesne- thanks, glad SOMEONE found it funny

micalily- thank you...here's that update you wanted

Koiji- I knew it would freak someone out XD

JazzyUchiha- XD thanks mate

FireDragonBL- As you can see if ya go back to chapter one you will find that I made some changes to Hinata's character, I made her a tad calmer!

Patch5129- The reason I changed it a bit was because I thought people might be a little bored with the usual romance pairing thingies but since I was wrong I'm going to make the characters more believable now!

THANKS FRANNY- I WILL SORT THE TYPOS OUT

I know this fic isn't for everyone but please if you are going to flame me give a little advice so I know what I can do to improve it.

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Wash or Wipe

Chapter Two: Soaked in Crap

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"Hey Shikamaru...Shikamaru, oy what are you doing man, quit slacking!" Yelled Naruto who was leaning over the paralyzed shinobi, Shikamaru was looking up at the clouds as per usual. The girls were back from their lunch break and Hinata had gone back to stutter mode. She kept on glancing over to Naruto who was poking Shikamaru. They got on with their jobs silently, well except for Naruto who was talking about random things. Over in the other toilet, things weren't looking so harmonious. Sasuke found himself grouped with Sakura, Neji and Tenten. Sakura kept on yapping at him about going out after their shift, but he wasn't really listening. Neji was trying to clean the toilets quickly by mixing his chakra with soap detergent; he tried to do a kaiten whilst standing by a toilet. He was like a human tornado taking in all the pieces of dirt that came his way, he was about to spin towards the bin when he slipped on a piece of crap, uh oh, Neji fell on to the ground and all the pieces of pooh flew in every direction, including towards Sakura and worst of all Tenten. Neji was going to die. The pooy two were busy wiping themselves clean, Sakura was on the verge of tears, and Tenten was fuming, the heat only made the smell worse though. Neji crept out of the toilet but what he didn't notice was Sasuke walking out also.

"Where do you think you're going Uchicha?"

"I was about to ask you the same question Hyuuga."

"Please don't send me back there, lets leave now before things get messy ey?"

"Things are already messy you stupid baka."

"Hey who you calling Baka, Baka." Suddenly they herd the girls footsteps grew nearer.

"Quick this way." said Sasuke grabbing Neji's arm. Too late the girls were already catching up. "Run baka mono run." They ran as fast as they could, but it wasn't good enough. The urine soaked girls were close behind them. Soon they were brought to the end of the hall there were two doors on each of there sides and an elevator. Neji and Sasuke tried to open the doors but this was just wasting time as the doors wouldn't open. They tried to open the elevator but it was still stuck on the ground floor.

(A/N Just imagine this paragraph is super slow motion)

"Byakugan." shouted Neji; he was going to see what was behind the doors. In the first room were a stack of scrolls as was the second. Neji definitely couldn't go in there; Tsunade might arrest him for spying or something. They had to take the elevator, they had no choice. It was like slow motion. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Screamed the guys. Tenten was carrying a water pistol she had found and she was nearing towards him, she had a psychotic smile on her face, Sakura followed a little slower she was behind Tenten and she was carrying a urine filled water balloons (don't ask where the girls got these). Sakura started pelting Sasuke and Neji with the balloons while Tenten held the water pistol. Brown stuff started shooting out of the gun on Neji's face. It was at that moment went the elevator ping, it seemed to open ever so slowly, the boys fell back into the elevator still screaming, "Noooooooooo..." They fell back onto an old lady around the age of eighty. Now she was fuming, they had spoiled her new dress; Neji and Sasuke were going to pay a very high price for that. She pulled out a cane and started beating the guys to a pulp. Suddenly the elevator pinged open and Sasuke and Neji scurried out. They found themselves in the parking lot.

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"Wait why did they pelt me with urine, I didn't do anything." said Sasuke while wiping a bloody leg. They were both bruised and battered, they were nursing them selves back to health when they heard that damn elevator open again, they cowered in fear and backed away, what if it was that old lady coming back for seconds, oh no this was worse way worse Sakura and Tenten had come back for more, they were well armed with several water gun and a barrel full of water balloons filled with crap.

Wait a minute, why was Tenten holding a gun pointing towards Sakura? Thought Neji.

"Do it Sakura or I'll piss on you." said Tenten

"Gomen...Sasuke-kun /sob/ GOMEN Tenten's making me do this." cried Sakura. Tears flowed down her face as she started throwing the balloons at Sasuke and Neji. Tenten once again had that evil smile plastered all over her face.

(A/N- Again Slow motion)

"That's what you get when you try to be cool Neji-kun, Sasuke-kun." Said Tenten. She was about to throw the big mama of all bombs when she noticed something. Hokage's posh car pull up in the parking space, it was too late for Tenten now, Hokage was about to get out of the car. Neji dodged the bomb and it was flying in Hokage's direction. 'Holy Crap' thought Tenten.

"Noooooooooo," said Tsunade, she was trying to dodge the bomb she managed to get out of the way but the air pressure on the balloon was too hard, The bomb which was the size of a yoga ball broke in mid air, the contents were flying everywhere. It spluttered all over Tsunade's back, a lot landed on Neji and Sasuke and some spluttered all over Tenten and Sakura's face. Tsunade was wiping her face clean and managed to yell out, "You guys SOOO disqualified if you don't give me an explanation, NOW."

They all looked down at the ground in shame suddenly Gai-sensei, Kakashi-sensei and Jiraya poof in the parking lot. "Hey Tsunade-sama, looking good" said Jiraya, "Please, please, please tell me I didn't miss a mud fight!" He received the ultimate death glare that said 'Shut up or die' from Tsunade. "Ok I'll... just...sit right here, saying absolutely nothing."

"You do that, Baka." said Tsunade.

"So I see some people are making a better effort at enjoying their spring time of youth." said Gai, as he stood in the 'nice guy' pose. 'Why were they there? Didn't they have loos to clean?' Thought Neji.

"Some might say they are enjoying this a little too much." said Tsunade.

"So how are you going to punish them" asked Kakashi with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Good question." said Tsunade as she rubbed her hands together.

"No wait Tsunade-sama, you can't punish them for having a good time. It will only discourage them to have fun again." said Gai.

"Shut up you fool, how would you like it if you were covered in s?" said Tsunade.

Gai: "Please just give them one more chance."

Kakashi: "Do it, do it now, punish them you know you want to."

Gai: "No, Tsunade-sama, please, I beg you, if you punish them I will...err...oh...er...hmm...I will follow you around like where ever you go"

Kakashi: "Come on woman, give them each a swirly while the pooh is still in there, do it, do it, DO IT NOW!"

Tsunade: "No...NO stop confusing me, stop it, STOP IT. So hard to choose, shall I be nice? Shall I be mean? Tell me?

Sasuke: "Be nice"

Neji: "Be merciful, oh great one."

Sakura and Tenten: "Yea, be nice and Merciful!"

Tsunade: "Will majority rule, I think not!"

"Hell Yea." said Kakashi, punching the air.

5mins laters-

"No Tsunade-sama, please re-think you're decision." said the Chunins. Tsunade rubbed her hands together, she looked like the high school bully, and Neji and Sasuke were the weedy boys. She dunked their heads into the loo, and pressed the flush. Yes revenge was sweet, but she smelt kinda pooy so when she was done with the swirly business she went to have a long soak. Before she left the toilet though, she told the foursome..."I'll be back...MUHAHAHAHAAA...ha-ha"

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Tell me what you thought be try and be nice...

**READ AND REVIEW...no flamers**

Thanks


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